we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize