Screwed.edu
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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