my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
