Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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