Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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