I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
