Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I'm at about main and main street
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize