The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Did I show you my penis last night?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
