she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
