she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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