She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
