I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
