dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
This house was built for laser tag.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize