Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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