so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
