And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
