dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
