'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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