at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
