Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
