Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
