We named our party play list daddy issues
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
