She is in my trunk
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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