Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I made him laugh his dick is mine
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize