Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I'm really busy with my period
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