mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
So apparently I’m into choking now
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
