Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
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