You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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