So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I just found puke in my bra..
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
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