Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
