If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize