I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize