508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
