he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
