I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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