By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I will die if light touches me.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
