Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
