Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Even my vagina gasped.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
