maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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