She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
