Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
