i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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