Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Small penises have feelings too.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
