I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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