Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
you had me at cake vodka
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I think your dad took our porno
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize