Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
