What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
My pussy is not your playground.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Still dying that you shit outside
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
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