If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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