Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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