where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize