I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
