Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
