I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
