I like to think it a success when the cops are called
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
