he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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