He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
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