The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
