she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize
