Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
