I like my sex mixed with concussions.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize