i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
