Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
