She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
