How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
