I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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