I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize