I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
