I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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