If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
