K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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