I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
