Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Randomize
