He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Sext me about skeletons
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
